Would You Like a Side of Liver Failure With That?

Tonight, after treating myself and a friend to a fine meal at Burger King, we treated ourselves to a documentary on the state of our fatness; Super Size Me.

Within the first few moments of this film, I wanted to hurl. The premise of this doco is that the filmmaker, Morgan Spurlock, is to go on a diet of nothing but McDonald’s for 30 days, eating all three meals each day at the aforementioned dining establishment.

The impetus for Spurlock’s experiment is the lawsuit filed in 2002 by two teenage girls against McDonald’s, which alleged that eating their food made these two girls obese against their will. The question posed by Spurlock is, where does personal responsibility end and corporate responsibility begin?

First, Spurlock undergoes testing by three physicians and a dietician. All conclude that he is in excellent health, and is the ideal weight and body mass for his height and age.

Interspersed between vignettes of his gastronomic undertaking are questions posed with regard to corporate greed, marketing to children, education’s responsibility and assorted general silliness to lend levity to the seriousness of Spurlock’s quest.

Like anything, you have to draw your own conclusions from Super Size Me. Sorry folks, you’re going to have to use that lump of goo between your shoulders for this one. McDonald’s conclusion was to yank all super-sized items from their menu and add a “healthy” adult happy meal. Of course, your level of horror and/or disbelief might have a direct link to the size of your waist, judging by the stark obesity statistics presented.

I’m certainly not going to turn vegan after viewing this film, nor will I swear off fast food forever. Those of you who know me know that I don’t have the kinds of problems addressed in this film - but I’m also not the target. I might have a bit of a skewed perspective since I am thin – I have even been accused of being “the thinnest person in any room you walk into, unless the aforementioned room contains Lara Flynn Boyle.”

That being said, I also grew up knowing the four food groups, realizing that french fries do not constitute a vegetable, nor does ketchup, though Ronald Reagan would have us believe otherwise. My mother taught me about balanced nutrition, as did my schools; elementary, middle and high. Super Size Me posits that our children today are not getting that same education, nor are they getting any exercise whatsoever. Corporate greed is giving way to school districts selling out their lunch programs to the lowest bidder, and the meals being provided are not balanced nor are they teaching kids good eating habits, thereby setting them up for a life of poorly informed choices and, quite likely, obesity.

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating until you finally get it through your fat heads: knowledge is power. Common sense should dictate that three meals each day at McDonald’s, or any fast food restaurant, is hazardous both to your health and to your waistline.

Sadly, we seem to be experiencing a drought of common sense (one need look no further than our president), so to supplant it, we must actually learn what is good for us and what isn’t. If you don’t know what’s good for you, read a book. If you can’t read, ask someone whom you trust. If you can’t find someone, drop me a line – I’m actually quite intelligent, despite the rumors. If all else fails, kill yourself – it’s just not worth the public humiliation…not to mention the high cholesterol, liver failure and sexual dysfunction – among other things - that come with obesity.

In all seriousness, Dr. Atkins is not the end-all be-all to our growing problem in this country. There are no quick fixes. Morgan Spurlock gained 25 pounds and seven percent body fat in just 30 days. It took him almost one year to lose the weight he gained during the course of the film.

Just imagine if we treated the obese in this country with the same overt contempt with which we treat smokers.

Now put down the Super Mega Gulp and go to the gym, tubby.