REGRET

One of my most favorite songs is "Regret" by New Order.  The fourth line (or thereabouts) is one I've always sought to live up to; "But there's nothing I regret."  Sometimes I wonder, though, how realistic a goal that is.  Out of context, it looks trite, even as I'm writing it, but it really is a lovely song.  

Logically, I know that I cannot go back and change things one way or another. Of course that doesn't stop me from wondering what my life might look like if I had slightly altered a choice here, a decision there.  I'm pretty sure that's just human nature, no?

HAPPY VS. THE TRUTH

I don't trust happy people.  There is no truth in happiness.  To happy people, the world is sunny and shiny and everything is pink and things always happen "for a reason".  Blah blah blah.  I relish the moment someone cracks and I get to see their gooey insides; dark and twisty.  It's in those moments that there is real truth.

Let's take an event that happened just this evening.  I was doing my laundry - it was an especially happening Saturday night for me - and into the laundry room walked one of my neighbors.  I live next door to an upwardly mobile gay couple who have been together seemingly forever.  I think they may have been high school sweethearts, which is almost unheard of in the gay community, at least from my experience.  One of them is a very highly-paid attorney, while the other teaches in a local junior high school.  On the outside, they are young (late 20s), happy, handsome and want for nothing.

Meanwhile, back in the laundry room, the attorney stormed in, saw me and for a moment he was silent, but then the flood gates opened.  He started on a rant about how he couldn't understand how he could spend so many years with someone as indecisive as his boyfriend, which he grumbled on about, at length. What struck me most was how visibly rattled he seemed.  I've known these guys for awhile, and while I've spent a majority of my time with the teacher, but this definitely seemed out of character.

In that one moment of raw exasperation, I got a glimpse into the imperfection of this outwardly perfect relationship.  I mean, they're shopping for property in this economy!  They frequently consume $150 bottles of liquor.  They travel extensively.  They even own a $500 vacuum cleaner.  

Even though I know that no relationship is perfect, it was nice to see it with my own eyes.  That was truth.

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE, GIVE IT TO A BUSY PERSON

It's not just a saying, it's my current state of being.  Maybe it's a mid-life crisis. Maybe it's a funk.  I'm surmising that it lies somewhere between the two with a few more elements thrown in for good measure, but nonetheless, I cannot seem to get even the simplest tasks completed in a timely manner these days.

Now that I've written this, I have just postulated another reason; I'm used to being far busier than I have been these past six months.  It's not that I haven't been without job before, it's just that I haven't fallen into this type of lethargic mindset.  It's easier to write about than it is to actually do something about.

Oddly enough, I find that I've been watching less television than I used to.  I'm not sure how to attribute this, but it could be that I just don't have the patience for the time-suck that most American television confers, or that television is just devolving further into a cesspool of crap.  Either way, it's probably for the best, as there have been times I've actually felt like watching all the shows saved up on my DVR was a burden.  Quite frankly, I have enough burdens in my life not to add one so frivolous, thank you.